Suits You, Sir
by The Angry Scots
Summary: Invader Zim finally meets the character that inspired his creation... Happy Noodle Boy! Will Zim be able to maintain his sanity, or will he succumb to the ways of the psychopath?
1. He Arrives...

Hello, everyone. I am Liam O'Connor, of the Angry Scots. I would have written this with my cohort, but I couldn't wait to post this!  
  
Disclaimer: Invader Zim and Happy Noodle Boy are property of Johnen Vasquez. To any of you who might think differently: I will regurgitate no peas!  
  
The Angry Scots present:  
  
Suits You, Sir  
  
A Twisted Tale  
  
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Zim sat in his underground lab, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Gir was yet again being an annoying little twit, but Zim was too tired to care.  
  
He had rebuilt the Matter Replacement Machine, even after the pig incident. It had taken quite a while to remove the thing from his cranium and find his brain. Even he didn't know how he did it.  
  
It had taken hours of hard work, but he was finally ready to test the machine once again. This time, there was no room for mistakes.  
  
"Gir!" Zim called, walking over to the control panel. "Come now!" Gir looked up from the squeaky moose he was playing with and rushed to Zim's side, tongue hanging.  
  
"Gir, this is a very important moment for me, and if you mess it up, I shall bring DOOMY DOOM UPON YOUR HEAD!" The small, green Zim stood, awaiting an answer. Gir's head went from side to side for a moment, indicating that he was pondering this. Suddenly, he locked his eyes forward, narrowing them, as they turned red.  
  
"Yes, sir!" He replied, giving a smart salute. Zim had seen this many times; he simply gave the robot a strange look. It would pass, he told himself.  
  
"Gir… bring me an item… THE MOOSE!"  
  
Gir's eyes began to fill with tears, and suddenly Zim remembered the pig incident. He didn't want steroid-infused robot Dib again… shudder. "No," he said. Not the moose." Gir smiled. Zim didn't care. "What can I use?" Zim pondered, searching around the room. "Something that causes doom, perhaps?"  
  
Just as Zim was about to turn his attention to a particularly sinister object in a corner of the metal cave, he heard a thud behind him. He spun around right away, to find Gir sprawled on the floor in front of the machine, and his squeaky moose soaring through the air into the portal.  
  
"NO!" Zim yelled, rushing towards the vast machine, but he knew his attempts to stop it would be futile. It had already begun.  
  
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Johnen Vasquez sat at his desk with paper and pen, not bothering to enjoy the warm spring air drifting in through his open window. He had begun work on the newest comic adventure of Happy Noodle Boy, if you wanted to call it an adventure. More like a rant.  
  
He scratched away feverishly at the paper with his pen, completely absorbed in his work, when all of a sudden he noticed something odd. He stood up, looking over his paper and squinting. "How the hell did a moose get drawn in there?"  
  
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"Gir, you idiot! Now my plans of doomy domination could be ruined again, like they almost were before! FOOL!"  
  
The little robot wasn't paying any attention to his master. He was rocking back and forth slowly, chanting "moosey moosey moose…"  
  
Zim growled, turning around to see if any damage had been done to the machine. He nearly jumped when he noticed a tall, shadowed figure standing in the middle of the ramp leading to the portal.  
  
"AH! Who are you? You are skinny. Leave now!"  
  
The figure tilted its head to one side, and after a moment gave a simple reply.  
  
"I am Freshmaker, Lord of the Cheese!"  
  
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Ah, yes. It may seem sad, but I have wanted to say that for a while. If any of you like this fic, more will be coming soon. 


	2. The Plan of Doom

Due to such positive response, I have decided that this fic must go on no matter what the cost! Now, I present to you the next chapter in the adventures of Invader Zim and HNB.  
  
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Suits You, Sir  
  
By The Angry Scots  
  
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The many television screens blazed with dozens of images, all colorful and loud. On the couch in front of this display, dwarfed by the massive screens, sat two figures, watching the images intently.  
  
Without looking at Gir, Happy Noodle Boy spoke. "Tell me, muffin boy from Russia, do you have any moose cheese?"  
  
Gir tore his gaze away from the TV's to look up at the figure, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. "I think I want a taco."  
  
HNB leapt up to stand triumphantly on the couch. "Exactly! Tell the cabbage what he's won, Bob!"  
  
Zim watched from far across the room, clenching and unclenching his hands. His right eye was twitching. "Too much incompetence..." he hissed.  
  
Trying to maintain a dignified air, the small green alien approached the couch. He stopped, peering up at Happy Noodle Boy.  
  
"You! Happy person of noodle-like qualities! I must speak with you."  
  
The deranged stickman turned from watching Gir's "favorite show", narrowed his eyes, and leaned down so that he was face to face with Zim. "I cannot speak, vegetable man..." the stick figure said softly, "... because I am MAD LIKE THE COW!"  
  
Screaming, HNB immediately latched on to Zim's head and began clawing him in the face, hissing madly. The Invader shrieked, and began running around in circles, waving his arms in the air. "GIR!" He yelled. "GET THIS CREATURE OFF ME! I COMMAND YOU! GETITOFF GETITOFF GETITOFF!"  
  
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Zim grimaced at the computer monitor, tapping the fingers of one hand on his swelled, mangled face. He needed to get rid of this... Noodle Boy soon, before he snapped and lost all dignity and purpose. "An Invader needs purpose..." he whispered to himself. "Much purpose..."  
  
"Ah! AN IDEA OF DOOM COMES TO ME NOW!" He yelled, perhaps a bit too loud. Gir and HNB turned to stare at him briefly from their positions on the couch. Zim cleared his throat, and they turned their attention back to the televisions. "Now my evil plans are set..." he cackled, before rushing to the toilet elevator.  
  
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Shortly, the small green invader returned, holding some small object concealed in his hand. "Yes, I can play your game, bizarre noodle creature..." he muttered, his plan ready to be executed.  
  
"NOODLE THING!" He yelled across the metal cavern, raising his opened hand as the stickman turned to look at him. "I have MOOSE CHEESE!"  
  
Happy Noodle Boy's eyes widened, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth. Suddenly, he leapt off the back of the couch and charged towards Zim, screaming "Conquest!"  
  
Just as the stickman was almost upon him, Zim tossed the piece of cheese into the open hatch, cackling evilly. He almost cursed when HNB stopped before the hatch, where the stick man stared at it, and then turned his gaze to Zim. "Ha!" He said. "You think you can fool me with your flower cave of monkey dogs? You corn husk!"  
  
"Ah! This stick thing is more intelligent than I believed..." Zim thought quickly. "But my plan shall not fail!" Without a moment's hesitation, he reached out and shoved HNB viciously into the hatch, shutting the door with a loud bang.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed madly, raising his fists to the heavens in triumph. "Now DOOMY DOOM ENSUES!" Gir simply watched from the couch, blinking slowly.  
  
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When Noodle Boy stood up, he found himself in the middle of a small lawn next to a tree. He stared for a moment at the four strange lawn gnomes standing at attention, but he dismissed them quickly. They were not as strange as he.  
  
He had basically forgotten about what had just happened between him and the Invader, because his gaze was focused on the dozens of tall buildings standing in front of him. A wicked grin appeared on his face. Maybe he could find some moose cheese.  
  
Happy Noodle Boy had been unleashed.  
  
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I hope you enjoyed this. Now review, the plastic moose wills you to do so! 


	3. Unleashed, Releashed

Ah yes, the fic must go on! Sorry to keep all of you waiting, but I've been quite busy lately. Please enjoy; I hope I haven't lost my touch. May the Noodley Madness be unleashed upon the world.  
  
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Suits You, Sir  
  
By: The Angry Scots  
  
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Zim walked to school that day with confidence. The Noodle Thing was probably on the other side of the city, wreaking havoc.  
  
As he stepped past the mutant rat by the main entrance, though, his fears were brought on. What if this Noodle creature was lying in wait for him? Nevertheless, he had to attend this "school". If he was absent, the faculty might hunt him down, for all he knew.  
  
Zim entered the classroom as calmly as possible, taking his seat near the front, and listened as the teacher began the daily lecture. This time, it was on something called "salmonella".  
  
Suddenly, Zim jumped out of his seat as Mrs. Bitters barked "YOU!" He glanced around nervously, and moaned when he saw what the Queen of Darkness was indicating.  
  
Happy Noodle Boy stood from his seat at the back of the class and began to proceed to the front of the room, but in the wrong way. He stepped across the seats, jumping from head to head of the students.  
  
Finally, he reached the head of the class. Bounding down to the floor, he ran up to meet Mrs. Bitters. He halted in front of the teacher, narrowing his hollow eyes up at the demon as he muttered something about squirmy fuzz balls.  
  
Mrs. Bitters glared down at him, teeth bared. "You have no eyes," the Queen hissed. "Go to the nurse's office before it spreads to the other children."  
  
Happy Noodle Boy gave the teacher a quick salute, and then jigged an Irish jig out of the classroom door and down the hallway. Zim smacked his head on the desk.  
  
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Dib sat by the shrubbery in front of the prison (a.k.a., "Skool") watching and waiting. His goggles were strapped to his face, constantly scanning the area in front of him for bizarre life forms.  
  
'BIZARRE LIFE FORM SIGHTED" the image flashed blue on the goggles' monitor.  
  
"Where?" Dib hissed, searching frantically. "It must be Zim! Now I can finally use my-!" He stopped talking to himself in midsentence when the goggles pinpointed the target.  
  
Happy Noodle Boy danced around in the courtyard before the ghetto/prison/purgatory, screaming at the top of his imaginary lungs that sadly, he had no nipples.  
  
"Oh My God…" Dib sighed when he saw this, smacking his forehead. "What IS that?" Suddenly, an idea sprang into his mind, both wonderful and horrifying at the same time. Maybe this Noodle Creature was an alien… and one he could use against Zim.  
  
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Evening was coming on, and Zim, along with his assistant Gir, were searching frantically for HNB. After scouring every location they knew of, which was not many, they gained no results. While Zim stopped to curse by a tree, Gir sat and watched the little squirrels hopping around. "Squirrels…" he muttered. "Moose Cheese!"  
  
"Moose Cheese!" Zim nearly jumped when he heard the echo.  
  
Turning to Gir, he hissed, "Was that you?"  
  
The small robot simply shook his head, and resumed rocking back and forth.  
  
Zim cast his gaze about the area frantically, finally catching a movement in the nearby bushes. Something was dragging something else behind it, almost like…  
  
"DIB!!!" Zim screeched, clenching his fists. "Give me back my Noodle Thing!" Suddenly, he was distracted by a loud snap behind him. He whirled around, only to find Gir sitting on the grass, holding the broken remains of a Chewbacca action figure.  
  
Artificial tears welled up in the little robot's eyes, as he cried, "I broke my wookie!"  
  
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Yes, very short, but still another chapter of insanity. Sorry it took me so long to post this; I'll try to be quicker about it next time. Please Review!  
  
-Liam O'Connor of The Angry Scots 


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